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"Meditation and Parenting: Breaking Generational Cycles" with Jason Dobbie

Writer's picture: Emry KettleEmry Kettle


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Jason Dobbie: bedtime can be frustrating when you have three kids running around that don't want to get ready for bed and that's when they want to play WrestleMania and go crazy.


And but you know, I set a goal a couple of years ago that I wasn't going to yell at bedtime anymore. And if I got to that point, I would just walk away because. You know, what do my kids do? They yell at each other. And I said to my wife, you know, they're yelling at each other because we're yelling at them.


So trying to switch that now and you know, even like last night was a perfect example. I just noticed how calm I was at bedtime and I find the more calm I am, then the more calm they're going to be, the more, you know, the more riled up that I'm going to be, then that energy is just going to carry over into them.



 


Emry Kettle: hello and welcome to Parenting for Thought, the podcast where we talk about things that parents want to know, but even if not, we're here anyways. And I've got Jason Dobbie here with me today and Jason and I met through the magic of the Instagram algorithm. I think don't know if you found me first or I found you first. Who


Jason Dobbie: I'm not sure. I think, I think you reached out to me first.


Emry Kettle: Yeah. I remember I think you might've followed me and liked one of my posts. And then I was like, who's this? Who's, who's transformative pathways. And, and then I went and looked at you and, and I saw some stuff about men supporting men and I was like, this is a guy I need to know.


I want this for my audience. So I remember reaching out to you first and, and that was, that was, that was That was it. And now we're friends and you can't get rid of me. Jason, who are you? What do you do?


Jason Dobbie: My name is Jason. I am a, I'm a life coach. I just started my coaching business this year. I was a chef for most of my life. I was a professional chef for 26 years and just a couple of years ago, I realized I wasn't happy with my life and I wasn't happy with my career. So I knew it was time to make a change, and I didn't know what that change was.


So I left the cooking industry and I got a job in sales selling seafood. And I'm still doing that now. That's my day job. And then just this year, through working with some different mentors I decided that I wanted to, to do something to help people. So in that, I started my own coaching business beginning of this year and yeah, that's where I'm at now.


I run a meditation group. I have my coaching business called transformative pathways. I'm launching a men's group program next year. 2025 is going to be a 12 week one on one men's group program called the journey within. And I'm also launching the transformative pathways podcast and two weeks on December 7th.


So, yeah. So yeah,


I'm already signed


Emry Kettle: up to be a guest.


Jason Dobbie: yeah,


Emry Kettle: I'm excited. So, so our, our fans, our, our leagues of followers can find us twice.


Jason Dobbie: yeah. That's amazing.


Emry Kettle: I, I gotta say, I really love this chef to coach transition. I, I think that those of us who end up in positions where we help people, like where we super directly help people, I feel like all of us started out doing something. That was in some way connected to supporting people. We just hadn't found quite the way that we wanted to be doing that yet. Like, you cannot convince me that being a chef is not. people like you're literally feeding people and that's such a beautiful thing. like, you know, my background was also in sales.


So I'm partly surprised that you went from chef to sales, to coach. and in my, my personal selling philosophy, it was always about meeting the needs of that customer.


Jason Dobbie: Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and also being a chef, like one of the, one of the favorite parts of my job was mentoring my staff. You know, a lot of, a lot of people that end up working in a kitchen sometimes have a troubled background or have a troubled life. So I've been mentoring people for. So I've, in a way I've been coaching people all along.


Emry Kettle: Yeah, I, again, similar over here where I started as a sales associate and like within a year later I was in management. and I loved being part of like the hiring process of like getting to know somebody and seeing if they would be a good fit, seeing if I would be able to be a good fit for them. And, you know, I didn't have the same skill sets back then as I do now.


I mean, we're talking about, I was in my early twenties. But it was, I was so drawn to it and I loved making that connection with people and figuring out what I could do for them and what they could do for me. And it was a really cool symbiotic relationship that I really enjoyed. So Jason, what is the thing that you are most passionate about?


Jason Dobbie: I recently discovered the last couple of years, you know, I was on kind of a spiritual journey looking for my life's purpose, and I kind of discovered that, you know, I'm supposed to be helping people. So that's kind of been my, my mission the last couple of years is service to others in whatever way I can.


That's why I started my meditation group because meditation kind of changed my life so much. And I guess, you know, that's another thing I'm really passionate about is meditation. You know, when I first got sober 10 years ago and I was going through all my stuff ended up in a meditation group and that, and that immensely changed my life and really helped me on my journey.


Okay. So, I feel like I'm trying to spread awareness to others about the power of meditation. So yeah, those would be my, my big two. And you know, I just, I've always been the guy that everyone goes to with their problems and for advice. So I feel like You know, that's, that's part of my, my purpose.


So, you know, that's another one of the reasons why I decided to start my my coaching business and go this route.


Emry Kettle: So, I mean, you know, you know, my audience is all parents, right? So and you're a parent, you have, you have two kids,


Jason Dobbie: Three three daughters,


Emry Kettle: three kids, and there's twins, and then a younger one, right? Yeah.


Jason Dobbie: two, two six year olds and an eight year old.


Emry Kettle: So how does meditation factor into your parenting?


Jason Dobbie: Yeah, that's a great question. How does it factor into my parenting? I'd say it's been a huge part of my parenting. You know, for one, it's hard to find time to meditate because everyone says, Oh, I don't have time, especially when you have kids. So. You know, the only time you can really do it is if you wake up before everyone wakes up in the morning, which is my favorite time of the day, assuming that, you know, your kids sleep in.


And I remember,


Emry Kettle: That's a big assumption.


Jason Dobbie: I remember when my kids were little and you know, they say when you're, when you're learning meditation that you should be able to, to meditate no matter what distractions are going on, you know, you're not always going to have this quiet, calm environment. So I remember lying on the floor and my kids were little and they couldn't even walk yet and they were just crawling and playing all over me and I would just lie on the floor and do a meditation while they're, you know, meditating.


Well, they're playing and banging and, and crying and all that stuff, but I think, you know, how it's helped my parenting is it's really helped me kind of find that, find that space you know, where something happens and before I react, I have that sort of space in between to make, to make a choice of how I want to react, whereas before I was very, you know, something would happen, I would react right away, but now I have that, You know, that space in the middle where I can make a decision.


Okay. How do I want to react to this? And I'm a lot more, I'm a lot more calmer. And I was a calm, I was a calm person before I had kids, but you know, kids will push you to your limits, you know? And I remember thinking like, man, I'm a calm guy and I'm yelling at my kids and I'm punching the walls and I'm going crazy here.


And I can't imagine what other people's houses look like cause I'm, I'm a, I'm a calm guy. I'm easy going. But you know, I don't yell at my kids anymore. Okay. You know, obviously there's times when we do have to yell at them to get their attention, but I'm pretty calm and cool and collective. And I think that my And I'd like to think that that's going to carry over into them cause I'm, I'm leading by example and I, and you know, cause they're going to do what I'm going to do.


Right. So, you know, and leading back to that, there was a time when I practiced meditation for a long time before I had kids, but nothing can get you ready for having kids. And it was just crazy. We had a three under the age of two. So our house was just mental and we didn't sleep. And you know, I used to get mad and have temper tantrums and stomp my feet.


And yell and scream and now my oldest daughter, she does those things and I, and I say to my wife, she does that because of me, she learned that for me because that's what I did. So I can't get mad at her because. You know, realizing that I'm the one that taught her those things.


Emry Kettle: Yeah.


Jason Dobbie: You know, and bedtime's a good example too, because bedtime can be frustrating when you have three kids running around that don't want to get ready for bed and that's when they want to play WrestleMania and go crazy.


And but you know, I set a goal a couple of years ago that I wasn't going to yell at bedtime anymore. And if I got to that point, I would just walk away because. You know, what do my kids do? They yell at each other. And I said to my wife, you know, they're yelling at each other because we're yelling at them.


So trying to switch that now and you know, even like last night was a perfect example. I just noticed how calm I was at bedtime and I find the more calm I am, then the more calm they're going to be, the more, you know, the more riled up that I'm going to be, then that energy is just going to carry over into them.


So I think meditation is a huge,


Emry Kettle: Okay.


Jason Dobbie: Huge thing. And we even play you know, meditations on Spotify. There's these little stories and stuff you can play, which are really good. And sometimes my kids are into it. Sometimes they're not. It's hard to force a kid to do a meditation, but you know, even just the calm music at bedtime really helps.


Emry Kettle: Oh, yeah. I know I've got my favorites that I've used with clients over the years. I love this realization that you had of, my kids are doing what I've shown them how to do. I, I was just talking with a client this morning, a father. And one of the things that I noticed that he would do in my observations of him with his kids, he talks really, really quickly, like so quick that it's hard for me to follow him sometimes. So I said this next week, try. Speaking like you're literally on slow mo, slow everything way down and choose only the most essential words. Like, let's go really, really concrete and, and start there and see what happens. And so he implemented that. And so today was the follow up and he was. He was beaming. And he was so excited because. The impact that it had on not just his kids but his wife as well everybody around him felt calmer.


And. the words that he said, which I totally started to cry. Anybody who knows me well knows that I'm a crier. I get so emotional about you know, and parents have these big aha moments. And he was saying, The three people that matter the most in the world to me, the three people I love the most are the most affected by this change in my behavior.


And. That's incredible. And this is one of the reasons why I reached out to you. This idea of men supporting men is so, so important


There's so many women's spaces. There's so many spaces for moms, and we need those, and moms need those, and I'm glad those exist but in my time working with parents I have come across so many fathers who feel


very helpless. Or they feel. like there's nowhere for them to go. They don't have, they don't even have the skillset to reach out to their fellow father friends to, to talk about what it means to be a dad and what it means to unlearn what they got taught by their dads and, and how to implement something new So then what I see practically is I see a lot of dads their number one goal is just to be present for their kids because like they saw that their dad wasn't present and they felt the effects of that.


Nope, we're going to change that. I'm going to be present for my kids. Which is amazing, but then the pendulum swings perhaps either too far, or in the wrong direction


and they show up for their kids, but there's no parenting skill sets behind that, and then what happens is, all they know how to do is play for example wrestle mania right. and then there's none of this other teaching.


So, have you had any clients where you've talked about parenting as a father? Does that come up very often?


Jason Dobbie: No, that hasn't really that hasn't really come up yet. Honestly, most of my clients have been female as of right now. And when I was, when I was designing my program, originally, I was going to do a mix like male and female program. And then I had, you know, as you say, like maybe a couple of signs from the universe.


Like three in a row that kind of told me that, okay, I think I need to create a space for men because you know, a lot of guys out there are struggling and I didn't really realize how bad it actually was. And like you said, there's so many, there's so many spaces. There's so many spaces for women to go.


But not so many spaces for men to go. And I think my challenge is going to be, how do I get these guys, you know, to come and work with me? Because a lot of guys have been conditioned to not ask for help and do it on their own. And if they talk about their feelings, they're weak. And so I think that's going to be my biggest challenge.


But I think once, once I start my program in the new year and get it going and get some momentum and get some testimonials going, it's going to, it's going to be good. But I think But no, and I think that parenting is a big thing. And I was just thinking, you know, I need to add a part of that to my program for sure.


That should be a big focus because part of my ideal client is working with working with parents. So that should definitely be something that we focus on. And maybe we should have you come in as a guest or do a guest module. I think we talked about that. So I'm going to would follow up with you on that.


Emry Kettle: I would absolutely love to. You know, at the heart of it, I want to see parents succeed. I think, societally, we've failed parents so miserably.. People go into having kids by and large--And I'm about to make a sweeping generalization here and I know that, so if anybody takes issue with what I'm saying, ask me, ask me what I, what I really, really think and, and I'll, and I'll fill in the gaps. but by and large, people go into having kids because they want to have kids. They're excited about it. They're amped. They're like, Ooh, baby. And you know, baby's first Christmas and all these interesting things and the milestones, and then the day to day stuff starts and, you know, kids trigger us perhaps faster than anything else in the world can, as you said, you know, you were calm. You've always been a calm guy, but your kids triggered you to the point of punching walls. I mean, that's extreme, right? That's not, that's not, A reasonable response by any stretch, but when we're pushed to our limits, that's what happens.


So we need those coping strategies and, and especially for men who have societally been taught to punch rather than to do something like a breathing technique or a meditative technique.


Mm.


Yeah. So do you have a favorite type of meditation technique? That you use when you're, when your kids are doing their WrestleMania.


Jason Dobbie: Yeah, the main one I use is just breath awareness. So just, you know, taking a couple, taking a couple of deep breaths, you know, that's the, that's the main thing. And going back to another point I wanted to bring up there that I thought of when you were talking was, you know, when, when we first had We had no idea what the hell we were doing.


We went to these parenting classes and stuff, but I remember a big influence on me and my wife was both of our parents telling us, you should do this, you should do this, you should do this. I would do that, I would do that. And one of the things that they told us was that we're too nice and we need to start yelling at our kids because me and my wife are both very calm.


So we kind of changed our strategy. And we started yelling at our kids more and if I can go back in time, I never would've, I never would've did that. But, you know. You know, when I, you know, when I was a kid and, and I got out of line, then my parents would give me the belt or give me a spanking. And, you know, my mom would always say like, you know, what I'd be doing if I, if that was my kid.


And I'm just like, I'm not, I'm not doing that. But


Emry Kettle: You traumatized me, grandma.


Jason Dobbie: you know, and on the other hand, I said to my wife the other day, and I said, you know, this raising emotional, emotionally balanced. Children is a hard thing to do. And I saw a post about this the other day too, because you know, when, when we were kids, or when I was a kid, if I got out of line, I would get the belt or get whatever.


So I was so scared


Emry Kettle: Yeah.


Jason Dobbie: to do anything. Whereas my kids, Aren't don't have that fear. So I understand why they did that to keep us in line You know, my kids don't have that fear of getting a spanking or getting the belt or or whatever so that they're a lot more Open and they're and they're free but they're not closed off like I was when I was a kid So, you know, I was closed off and I wasn't myself because I was always afraid so it is very difficult To raise kids this way, but in the long run, I think it's, it's going to be worth it for their, for their emotional wellbeing.


For sure. That's very interesting.


Emry Kettle: Yeah. I mean, it's not even a question, right? Like the people who are gonna find this podcast are going to be people who are, who are committed to not, physically harming their children and are, and are looking for a way to parent with the least amount of emotional harm. Yeah, it's a lot of the work that I do is helping parents realize. Where their triggers stem from, you know, it's a lot of this like inner child work and which is beautiful, but grueling. It's brutal to, to go back and go, wow, I was really traumatized by my parent. Who is traumatized by their parent who was traumatized by their parent and so on and so forth. And I feel like. generation or the, generations who are parents now, I'm seeing more and more folks being really committed to learning new techniques, which is a messy process. And. know, going from physically abusing a child to then saying, well, I refuse to yell, but I don't have the skill sets to set the boundaries. So, so then you end up having permissive parenting and your kids are. wild and chaotic without any sort of structure or boundaries. And then you have grandparents stepping in saying, well, if you just yelled at them, stop misbehaving. and it's that, that spot right in there that I think perhaps I'm most passionate about, which is the teaching parents a unique way of setting boundaries with really warm and loving and clear communication frameworks. That's where all the results are. That's where the relationship gets built. That's where trust happens. That's where healthy attachment styles happen. That's the good stuff.


Jason Dobbie: Yeah, and going back to what you said about inner child work, I wanted to share something on that too. And I remember one point. Not that long ago, I remember thinking or even saying to my wife, I wish we didn't even have kids. I wish we didn't even have kids. This is so hard. This is, you know, but that's, I was in that sort of lack mindset where, you know, poor me, I don't have time for myself.


I can never do anything I want to do and all this stuff. And then I, I sort of flipped that mindset and my perspective and I had this realization that, you know, cause I was doing some inner child work and stuff too. And I want to touch on that as well. But Then I realized that, wow, I looked at it from a different perspective, but I realized like, wow, look at how much growth I've had since I've had my kids and my, and my own personal growth.


And then I went from thinking, I wish I didn't have kids too. I'm so grateful. I went through all this stuff because it made me the person I am today. Without going through all that, I wouldn't be where I'm at right now. The amount of growth I've had in the past six, eight years. It's just unbelievable. So just that, that perspective shift.


And and the other thing with that I wanted to say about inner, inner child work is, you know, I've done my fair share of inner child work recently. I remember last year, I asked my mom for a picture of me when I was a kid and she's like, well, what do you need that for? And I was trying to explain to her and she didn't really understand.


But I have a picture of myself from, you know, when I was like four or five years old. On this little thing beside my bed that I look at all the time and and a big thing for me to help me with my inner child work was looking at my parents in the perspective of instead of being mad at them for what they did or what they didn't do, who they were, who they weren't actually forgiving them.


And knowing that they were just doing the best they could with what they had. And once I was able to kind of let that, let that go you know, cause I was holding onto a lot of anger. Oh, I wish my parents did this. Ooh, I wish they did this and I wish they were more like this. But then looking at, you know, the, the, The childhoods they had, you know, my mom grew up with nine brothers and sisters and she left home.


She left home when she was 14 years old. She dropped out of school and she had me when she was 18. And I remember having that realization, like my mom didn't even have a childhood.


Emry Kettle: Yeah,


Jason Dobbie: So, you know, looking at it that way, like, you know, she did the best she could. And you know, she did it. She did a really good job when she was a kid.


So I can't, she did a really good job as a mother. So I can't be, Mad at her. Sure. I wish maybe things were maybe different, but you know, that's the way it is. So that forgiveness was a huge part of my inner child work and just, you know, letting things go and, you know, having a good cry and letting it all out.


And.


Emry Kettle: I relate to this so much. I'm, so I'm actually no contact with both of my parents who are who have been divorced for a long time now. I know, I know very well how my mother was raised and how she was farmed. By her parents and for me, you know, forgiveness is such a personal journey and, and what one person means by forgiveness is not what the next person means by it.


Right? For me, it was less about forgiveness and more about holding space for her inner child for, for what she went through and recognizing that in her own way, she also stopped cycles of abuse. There are things that she didn't do to me that her parents did to her So, you know, she moved the needle. She improved things. She didn't raise me how I would have raised me. And she didn't raise me in a way that honored all of who I am. And there's a lot of harm that I carry because of that. And so for me, it's about like, Like if you picture a large circle and then you put many smaller circles inside of that that's how I picture it for myself where I a circle for for my mom and and her inner child and another one for The mom that she was to me, and another one for my anger towards her for how she treated me anyways, because it still wasn't okay. And there's all these different circles, and sometimes one's a little bigger, sometimes one's a little smaller, but they're all contained and they all have space. And that's, that's the, the visual that works for me you know, whether somebody might call that forgiveness or not is entirely up to their interpretation of forgiveness. Yeah, but that, that was what was so healing for me was to, to get to a point where instead of saying,


Jason Dobbie: Mm.


Emry Kettle: I, I blanket forgive you and you're, you're welcome in my life was, was to get to a place where I said, you know, am deeply sorry and angry on your behalf that you were so harmed and the way that you treat me and interact with me at this stage of my life is still so not okay that I need to set a hard boundary and go no contact. Yeah. Tough stuff, right? Mm


Jason Dobbie: Yeah, and just a quick note on forgiveness. Like, 1 thing I've learned about forgiveness to forgiveness is such a powerful thing forgiving yourself or forgiving other people. But 1 thing that I've learned from my mentors as well is that. When you forgive someone, and I just wanted to say this for the listeners too, when you forgive someone, it doesn't mean that you're saying what they did to you was right, or you're letting that go, that's not the point at all, you're forgiving them for yourself, and you're releasing that energy that you're holding on to, and you know, it's not saying what they did was right, what they did was still wrong and you could still be angry at them and forgive them.


So,


Emry Kettle: Love


Jason Dobbie: wanted to, yeah, I just wanted to make that, make that point. And yeah, parents,


Emry Kettle: point. Right.


Jason Dobbie: And, you know, like, I don't think my mom's going to listen to this anyways, but, you know, since I've been making all the, all the changes in, in my life. You know, I quit drinking a long time ago and I think my relationship with my mom changed when I quit drinking because we don't have that, you know, drinking thing in common and when she's drinking, I don't want to talk to her on the phone.


I don't want to be around her because I don't, I don't want that in my life. Like Mike,


Emry Kettle: with


Jason Dobbie: grew up with my, my parents used to drink a lot and there was always parties and all that stuff going on. So that's one thing that I really wanted to change for my kids. Like my kids have never seen me drunk.


Emry Kettle: going to


Jason Dobbie: And they've never even really been around drinking.


My wife will have a glass of wine here or there, but my kids are kind of trained that alcohol is bad. So whenever my wife drinks, they all, they all chirp her. But you know, since I've been making all these changes in my life, and my mom even told me one time, she's like, I don't really like all these changes that you're making.


And I, and I knew, That that's sort of something that's going to happen. Cause when you make changes for the good in your life, sometimes the people around you don't like it because you're changing. And, you know, I totally respect that. And I said, you know, that's all normal. And you know, that happens, but so I don't really talk to my mom a lot, but it's not, By any choice, we just don't really talk very often and, you know, it's kind of too bad, but I think, you know, one day maybe she'll, she'll come around.


She's still got a lot of her stuff she has to work through and no one can do it except for her. So when she's ready, she'll come around.


Emry Kettle: I, I feel like you're so perfectly demonstrating something that I've been thinking about the entire time we've been talking, which is about how kids are mirrors. their parents and, and the way that it's crossing these generational boundaries to is, is so impactful and it's, you know, you saw your kids modeling your behavior back to you and you recognize who, no, that's not okay. And then with your mom You know, you're making these changes. She's seeing that mirror and recognizing that the reflection is different now and that she doesn't see herself in those changes. I, you know, I can't speak for her. I don't know what's going through her mind, but I wonder, perhaps that's feeling. scary. And that's why she's like, I don't like these changes because I'm, am I not going to be a part of this anymore? But I don't know that that generation has that language. They didn't get raised with that language. They didn't learn how to, how to speak openly and honestly about these kinds of things. Not to say that our generation is doing it perfectly either, but there's, there's been a huge undeniable shift, right?


Jason Dobbie: Yeah, we're definitely learning. We're definitely doing our best.


Emry Kettle: it is. We're doing our best. so for my audience and anybody listening, Jason, if there was one thing you wish someone would walk away today knowing, what would it be?


Jason Dobbie: Oh, that's a great question. I guess it would just be, you know, we kind of talked on it about how, you know, you're such a, what you do has such a, a huge impact on your kids and you're such an influence. So. You know, going back to the, to meditation and the one way I like to look at meditation is when I meditate, I'm not just doing it for me.


I'm doing it for my family, my friends. And, you know, for the whole world. So that's, you know, if that's one way that it could get parents out there to practice meditation when they realize they're not just doing it for themselves, they're doing it for their kids, they're doing it for their family, they're doing it for their friends, because it's going to change the way you show up, it's going to change the way you react.


And then also, you know, we can get into the collective consciousness. And every time you meditate, you're affecting the whole collective consciousness of the world as well. So but just keeping it in the whole family dynamic is, you know, if you're not going to, you know, If you're not going to take the time to do it for yourself, then maybe you'll take the time to do it for your kids or for your family.


Emry Kettle: Beautiful. Thank you. Thank you for sharing


Jason Dobbie: Thank you.


Emry Kettle: Jason, where can people find you if they want to hear more from you or want to know more about what you do?


Jason Dobbie: Yeah, absolutely. You can find me on Instagram at transformative double underscore pathways. And if you wanted to reach out to me directly feel free to shoot me an email at Jason at transformative pathways.ca, And I'd love to hear from you.


Emry Kettle: Wonderful. Thank you so much. Thank you for


Jason Dobbie: Thank you.


being my second


Emry Kettle: ever guest on Parenting for Thought.


Jason Dobbie: Thank you. I think I think you're going to potentially be my second guest on my podcast as well.


Emry Kettle: More Emry and Jason goodness for, for the listeners.


Jason Dobbie: Awesome. Thank you so much.

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